POSITIVE LIVING

Positive Living

If you've recently been told you're HIV positive, you may be feeling scared, confused or anxious. Dealing with a positive diagnosis and coming to terms with the challenge of living with HIV/AIDS is never easy, but today with the widely available and affordable treatment in Brunei Darussalam and Malaysia, HIV positive people can expect to live a full and active life for many years.

The section may help to answer some of your questions and address some of your concerns.

 A POSITIVE DIAGNOSIS:

 In The Beginning

Initial reactions toward an HIV positive diagnosis can vary drastically for different people. Emotions of anger, shock, horror, disbelief, denial or even indifference are very much the norm, as with other situations where sad news is conveyed and received. A constant reminder is that a positive diagnosis is NOT A DEATH SENTENCE. A positive person can and should anticipate a long and healthy life for years to come.

• When you first receive the news, it is advisable not to immediately rush out and tell everybody about it or commit any major life changing decisions, such as quitting your job or leaving your spouse/partner.
• It would really help if you could take a few days off to relax and de-stress yourself. Your doctor should be able to provide you with a medical certificate for some 'off' time if you need it.
• If you do want to discuss with your partner, friends or family about your diagnosis, think first about how they might react and whether they would be willing to empathize and provide the kind of support that you might need.
• A circle of HIV positive friends could be a good source of support. If you are not sure how your partner, friends or family will react to the news, consider talking to your doctor, counselor or a peer support worker at your local HIV/AIDS organization.

Who To Talk To? - contact us at Brunei Darussalam AIDS Council

Following initial diagnosis,

• It is useful to make a follow-up appointment to see your doctor in the next few days.
• You may have more questions or want more information in a week's time.
• Start making a list of any questions that you could think of in the next week or two. Some people also decide to undergo another HIV test in the week or two following their diagnosis to be sure that the initial test result is accurate.
• It is important to develop a good relationship with your doctor. You have the right to ask questions and make decisions about your health. If you do not feel comfortable seeing your doctor for any reason whatsoever, talk to them about your concerns. You must be able to trust your doctor and feel comfortable about meeting up with them. Having a good and comfortable relationship with a doctor that you can trust is important in managing your life as an HIV positive person.

T I P S There is no need to rush out and tell people straight away Make a follow-up appointment to see your doctor in a week or two Come up with a list of questions and concerns so that you will remember to ask them the next time you see your doctor

A Few Weeks Later

A few weeks after you received your diagnosis, it is advisable to go back and consult your doctor. You may have a list of questions ready or you might want to undergo another test to make sure your initial test results were accurate. If your doctor recommends treatments, remember that you do not need to make any decisions on the spot. Ask questions and try to learn as much as you can before making any major decisions.

• A few weeks after the initial news, some people notice they start to feel negative about themselves.
• If you start feeling like this, try to do nice things for yourself.
• If you haven't told anyone yet, have another think about the people in your life that you can trust and will support you.
• If you can't think of anyone you can tell or if it still seems a bit too soon, consider talking to a counselor at your local HIV/AIDS organization. They may also help you work out who to tell and how to tell them.

Talk to a Counselor? - contact us at Brunei Darussalam AIDS Council

• It can help you stay focused if you set some short-term goals. These goals might change over time. There are various things that you can do to help yourself through this. Maybe you can take up a new hobby (such as gardening, reading ant etc).
• If you're in a relationship and haven't told your partner, husband or wife yet, you might like to think carefully about how and when to broach the subject. A social worker, doctor or an HIV counselor can help you through this and assist with any questions that might arise.
• You could suggest that your partner seek help via a counselor at a local HIV / AIDS organisation if they are having trouble coping with the news or would like to meet other people with similar experience.
• If your partner, friends or family are questioning any changes in your behavior lately, try not to panic. It can help if you come up with a believable story that will keep them at bay, until you're ready to share the news.

T I P S Ask questions and try to learn as much as you can before making any major decisions Set some short term goals Try to do nice things for yourself

A Little While On

As time passes, you may be more comfortable with the news or you may feel a little unsure. You may still feel the shock, anger, guilt, shame and/or depression. These feelings are completely normal and for most people, things do improve over time.

• With time, many people feel they would be in a better position to start making decisions about work, goals and relationships.
• Some people decide to make major changes while others are happy to continue as they are.
• If you have been seeing a counselor, attending a peer support group, talking to a social worker, your partner, friends or family, it's good to keep on talking - even if you are feeling a little better.
• Issues might crop up over the coming weeks or months and you may be in a better position to work through these issues if you keep on communicating.
• Your doctor will probably want to see you again after a few weeks to check on the virus's progress and your immune system's status. It's good to get into a pattern of regular health monitoring and evaluation.
• Hopefully, by now, you would have developed a good relationship with your doctor.
• If you have started a treatment regime, assess whether it is working for you. Have you made the right choice? Are the side effects subsiding? Does the treatment schedule and method fit into your lifestyle? If not, you might want to consider changing to a more suitable treatment routine.
• Always discuss with your doctor all your concerns about treatment, so as to enable you to make an informed decision.
• Regardless of whether or not you are on treatment, talking to other positive people about their experiences can help you with various things such as starting treatment, adherence (sticking with treatment), and side effects.

T I P S Regular health monitoring can help you manage HIV Talk to other positive people about their experience with treatment

Telling Others

It might be helpful to take the time and think about how people might react to your news. Ask yourself:

• Who can I trust with the information that I am HIV positive?
• Will they offer me support?
• Will they judge me?
• Will they respect my confidentiality?

Once you have decided whom to tell, you might find it useful to let them know about the other people that you have also conveyed the information to, so that they can also support each other.

You DO NOT have to disclose your HIV status to:

• Your friends
• Your employer
• Your colleagues
• Every doctor, dentist or other health care professionals

Telling your partner

If you are in a relationship with someone who is HIV negative, you may want to tell the person about your condition. It is perfectly normal to feel uncomfortable or anxious about your partner's reaction to the news. There is no easy way to do this and there are no set rules. It would help a lot to have your doctor or HIV counselor's support as and when you decide to inform your partner.

Your partner, husband or wife might also want to consider undergoing the test for HIV, especially if you and your spouse have been having sex without condoms or sharing any injecting equipments. Despite all the fears and anxiety that you might experience initially, many people have found that they do receive plenty of support when they share the news with others. In some cases, it might even strengthen your relationships.

Telling your children

If you have children, you might find it hard to decide about the right time to inform them about your condition. You might not even want to tell them about it at all. Some people have found that talking to other HIV positive parents can be very helpful towards making this decision.

In Malaysia : Although you are not obliged to tell anyone about your status, the Malaysian Ministry Of Health's policy requires that you tell your sexual partner(s) even if or when you intend to have safe sex.

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*Info courtesy of Malaysian AIDS Council (MAC)